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  • A.P.Malkan

This is Me...

This is me, this mural represents a lot of things for me.

My ex kicked me out of the house for the 3rd and final time. When we were good or "when I was behaving" he would tell me it was our house, however when he was mad and wanted to exert control and power over me it was his house. That was the last time that was going to happen and I chose not to go back. I wanted to break the generational curse for my son. I realized if I stayed in a relationship like that, my son would learn that behavior and subconsciously act and behave the way he saw his father do. I already witnessed it happen over the 3 years with my stepson. There would be moments when he would talk to me about why he didn't understand they way he would behave, about being upset at his father for the way he treated his mother, and I could feel his pain and confusion.

That moment of leaving my child's father was absolute chaos for me. It happened the day before Christmas. The time when you are supposed to be with family and celebrating. Well I didn't have family to lean own since I was disowned for choosing the life I wanted to live and choosing the man I thought was a good person. The friends who said they would be there for me were nowhere to be found or turned their back on me. Thankfully, there were acquaintances that have now turned into great friends that helped me in my darkest hour. One girlfriend took me in when I had no where to go and let me stay with her and girls. She already had a full house and still made room for my son and I. I will forever be indebted to her. I hope that I can pay it forward to another mom in need one day.

The one thing that I had on my side was hope and faith, okay so two things. I knew this was temporary and going to be hard to start over but it can be hard. I knew of many single mom stories that had it far worse then I did and prevailed so why would I not be any different. Plus I got this certain sense of purpose inside my soul that I had never had before. I knew I was going to be someone of influence, but I never knew what I would influence people about. Now I knew within the depths of my soul. My purpose in life is to inspire, motivate and empower women, moms, and specifically South Asian women to be unapologetically themselves. How do I do this? By sharing my story, to let women know they are not alone and there is support around them.

So where am I now?

•I have slowly been getting stronger over the last 5/6 months. Regaining my self confidence, staying true to myself, saying no to things that don't serve me, and being unapologetically myself.

•When I went to make the final edits on the mural, there was a lady admiring the mural and was in a trans just staring at her. This lady said a few times. "this girl looks so peaceful, happy and content in the middle of all this chaos around her." She just stood there for several minutes just admiring this women. In my head, I said, "that's me, I am her-the girl in that mural."

•I have learned how to be at peace with my situation, myself, in the midst of unexpected chaos. I have learned to be happy regardless of what's happening around me. I have learned to celebrate the little things and the tiny victories.

•What I've celebrated so far,

- I'm a survivor of an abusive relationship,

- I'm doing the work to get in a better place,

- My business is growing and is my sole income for my son and I,

- Attracting amazing mommy friends and girlfriends that have been a great support system,

- My strength, my confidence, my transparency, my vulnerability, my love, my happiness, my peace.

- This beautiful mural,

- My loyal clients

I hope this resonates with at least one person. I want you to know what you are going through is just temporary and there is light at the end of the tunnel, you just have to believe it. Once you believe you will be okay and something better lies across the horizon, you will act accordingly and before you know it everything will start falling into place. In a short 6 months, I have noticed a drastic improvement in all areas of my life.

By choosing me and being selfish about my needs and well

being, I was able to let go of the people that were not good to me, create boundaries to protect my emotional and mental needs, and created room for people that were more in sync with who I am today.

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